Social Primer

There are few things that get under my skin more than witnessing a man walking with a woman on the sidewalk and the man not knowing or caring where he belongs. A man, or should I say, a gentle man,  always walks on the street or curb side of the sidewalk in America (the Euro tradition states that a man walks on a woman's left, which can be curb side or building side.) I wonder that some men are confused because they ... Read More

Commenting and advising on the interaction between would-be paramours would seem a bit off subject here on SP, but we respond to the readers and the readers this week have been pushing their romantic frustrations. Public behavior is addressed here and this subject definitely falls into that category. In the quest to form a more perfect gentleman, here is a little insight from a woman waiting to meet her man. Anne writes: Re: Changing our meeting habits Dear SP, We single girls run around town ... Read More

SP takes a fair share of heat.  When there is an SP feature in a newspaper’s online version or on a blog, oh Lord do they come for me in the comments section. As you can imagine the fate of anyone who deigns to assess civil behavior, the positions staked on this domain are pretty much sitting ducks for anyone with even questionable aim. In the past, I have never responded to defend myself, but now someone has stomped on my turf ... Read More

Isn’t it funny — and by funny, I mean sad — that the only photo around of a man opening a door for a woman is from the 1940’s? This fact should tell you more than you need to know and only serves to re-enforce the resolve of SP to offer up these little finds unearthed in my archeological digs. So here we go. A man opens a car door for a lady. Yes, you know this and you practice this on a ... Read More

How many times do you find yourself in this social (or business) situation? You are standing in a covey of people immersed in a rolling conversation when all at once you realize that you don’t know the names of some of the people you are talking to. There is a queasy feeling of awkwardness rising in your chest and you don’t know how to correct the situation so you ride the roll through to the inevitable conclusion, parting ways without ever knowing ... Read More

Readers' questions answered. Reader 1 I am hoping that you could help me find a solution for properly responding to offers to shake hands in business situations. You see, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, which I don't particularly want to announce upon meeting someone new. Handshaking is very painful for my affected hands and causes visible wincing. A weak handshake seems inappropriate, however. What would you advise for this unfortunate side effect of RA? Many thanks, Kristen Dear Kristen, In business or in social situations, a woman is not ... Read More

How many times do you receive a telephone call that goes something like this? Or perhaps you are guilty of this sin as well. Caller:  “Hello. Is Cooper there?”  My response: “Are you a friend of Mr. Ray’s? No? Then why would you use his first name?” Is there anything more annoying than to receive a marketing call – or any of the other myriad reasons that people call you on the telephone -- and to have the impertinent caller address you by ... Read More

The old dignity code has not survived modern life. The costs of its demise are there for all to see. Every week there are new scandals featuring people who simply do not know how to act. For example, during the first few weeks of summer, three stories have dominated public conversation, and each one exemplifies another branch of indignity. Excellent column by David Brooks  in The New York Times. Read More

In a world of relaxed morals and lost traditions you may think this one a little obsolete, but SP is here to tell you that this is important. There is nothing more insulting than to be introduced to a man who is a peer and the cad refusing to stand to shake your hand. A man NEVER shakes hands sitting down. Never. Simple to say, simple to do. For the record, a man never reaches to shake a woman’s hand. If she ... Read More

A reader writes: Dear SP; I am inviting about 30 people to one of those “zero” birthdays in an exotic locale two years from now. I am offering lodging and most meals. I am also offering a two-night side trip. I have already sent the first “Save-The-Date” notice. Some of the guests are couples and some are singles. My dilemma is that I do not want the single invitees to bring anyone. I know that if one receives an invitation addressed to “Mr. John ... Read More