Social Primer

Rule 1. Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present. George Washington Consider yourself forewarned. SP is channeling Andy Rooney today. After last week’s roundup of memorable Christmas quotes about the reason for the season and all that, SP ventured out into the world only to discover more rudeness in that concentrated week than I had encountered all year long. I don’t know what it is about the holidays but people seem to ... Read More

SP takes a fair share of heat.  When there is an SP feature in a newspaper’s online version or on a blog, oh Lord do they come for me in the comments section. As you can imagine the fate of anyone who deigns to assess civil behavior, the positions staked on this domain are pretty much sitting ducks for anyone with even questionable aim. In the past, I have never responded to defend myself, but now someone has stomped on my turf ... Read More

Isn’t it funny — and by funny, I mean sad — that the only photo around of a man opening a door for a woman is from the 1940’s? This fact should tell you more than you need to know and only serves to re-enforce the resolve of SP to offer up these little finds unearthed in my archeological digs. So here we go. A man opens a car door for a lady. Yes, you know this and you practice this on a ... Read More

Readers' questions answered. Reader 1 I am hoping that you could help me find a solution for properly responding to offers to shake hands in business situations. You see, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, which I don't particularly want to announce upon meeting someone new. Handshaking is very painful for my affected hands and causes visible wincing. A weak handshake seems inappropriate, however. What would you advise for this unfortunate side effect of RA? Many thanks, Kristen Dear Kristen, In business or in social situations, a woman is not ... Read More

A friend wrote to me the other day saying he witnessed a most unfortunate incident during a business lunch recently. At the table next to him were seated an older gentleman with a younger chap. By the nuggets of overheard conversation, the two were obviously engaged in an employment interview situation and it was Chappy the Younger who was auditioning for the job. My friend says that Chappy was well-dressed, articulate, seemed to have a grasp of the occupation’s vernacular and was ... Read More

First of all a yacht is just a fancy word for any boat bigger than a skiff. Defined as a vessel used for private cruising, racing, or other non-commercial purposes, sailboats, motor boats, pontoon boats, and yes, Aristotle Onassis’s Christina are all considered yachts. Do not let the word -- or the invitation -- intimidate you. There is nothing greater in SP’s mind than a day spent on the water on board a beautiful boat sailing the bounding main. Tasty drinks, beautiful ... Read More

A reader writes: Dear SP, My wife and I dined at an upscale S. Florida restaurant in celebration of my 40th birthday. Let me put the meal into perspective by saying this restaurant is owned by a celebrated owner/chef of 20 years - not your everyday dining experience. The chef challenges local patrons, during mango season, to haul 200 lbs of mangos to his restaurant where you are justly rewarded dinner for 2 - a five course tasting menu. Cut to the chase. We ... Read More

I see the bad mood arising. I see trouble on the way…. Here we go. You are geared up for a night out on the town, in a club or at a friend’s. You have gallantly finished the work week, put away the daily grind and myriad distractions that comprise the lives we live and you are ready to raise hell enjoy a civilized night out. You and your friends, or your date, or what have you have gathered on this great night ... Read More

Without giving too much away to make this point, SP will attempt this scenario. While watching one of those fascinating/insipid reality show reunions recently, one element stood out so incredibly and  has stuck in the craw. What could it be you wonder as those shows by nature run anathema to all we do here on the SP. Yes, forgetting the rude outbursts, name calling, inappropriate tears and far too intimate revelations there was a civil violation that stood out above all the ... Read More

The old dignity code has not survived modern life. The costs of its demise are there for all to see. Every week there are new scandals featuring people who simply do not know how to act. For example, during the first few weeks of summer, three stories have dominated public conversation, and each one exemplifies another branch of indignity. Excellent column by David Brooks  in The New York Times. Read More