Prom (& Greek Formal) Guide for Guys

The need for this post began last Debutant season when many of the escorts around town began calling me up to ask what was the proper outfit, whether to rent or buy, and, naturally, how to tie a bow tie. I finally resorted to writing up a list and giving it to the guys (or their moms) who in turn walked into the rental company and handed the clerk the list. They said it never had been so easy. Now the Prom Season (as well as fraternity/sorority Spring formal time) is fast approaching it’s time to ramp this conversation up once again. You see, there are many styles out there purporting to be Black Tie, and it is no wonder many guys fall short of the right one. Many tuxedo rental shops do not care how appropriately dressed you look for your big night and will let you run wild with your choices. That powder blue polyester tuxedo may seem hilarious when you and your bros are cracking each other up in the rental shop. And it may continue to crack you up on the dance floor come Prom Night. But a few years down the road when you look back on the photos, you’re going to wish you hadn’t been so hilarious.

The Tuxedo – SP highly recommends that every man own his own Tuxedo, if he can afford it. But high school guys should wait as many of you are still growing, and you don’t need a dinner suit all that often if you live outside of the party capitals. Renting is fine, but make sure you do it right. “Black tie” means black tie. Not white tie, not kooky tie, but black tie. Although, there are exceptions like every rule, once you have it down then you are allowed to break it. And by break it I mean, I love seeing a rake stroll into a ballroom with a velvet jacket, or tartan trousers or yes, velvet slippers to liven up the sea of penguins. But this is for the super confident and experienced dandy, not for the beginner.

I am often asked for advice on shopping or renting a tuxedo. I have done this so many times, I’ve taken to writing a list, like going to the grocery store. Here it is for you.

The Proper Tuxedo: (print it out and hand it to the sales clerk)

• Black jacket with peak lapels
• Black pants with satin stripe
• White Tennis collar shirt is my preference but Wing collar is certainly acceptable. Pleats versus placket front. Placket front reads more formal, but I do like both. I find placket stands up better to sweaty dance moves.
• Bow tie is black.
• Braces (suspenders) are black or white and make this suit so much more comfortable. You’re already strapped in like a baby seat, braces let you breathe.
• Cummerbund – non-negotiable. No to the vest (too many layers for dancing) and not the best look in spite of the current trend. Here is the time when many a girl wants her date to match her dress. If this is the case, try if you must, but a better idea is to match the pochette (pocket square). Here are my new cummerbund sets at Brooks Brothers which offer a bit of departure from the black but still stay in good taste.
• Shoes are patent lace ups (or high highly shined leather) or opera pumps. Or velvet slippers, if you’re daring.
• Cuff links – Gold knots & studs or black and silver or silver-plate.  Try to avoid whimsy.
• Pochette (pocket square) should be white silk, but I do like red sometimes. Or here is your chance to match your date’s dress.
• Black silk socks that go to the knee.   If you want to feel extra old school, go with the garters.

Leave the watch at home. You do not wear a watch with a Tuxedo.

The Dark Suit Alternative to the Tux:

You can get away with wearing a dark suit, Navy or Black, if you don’t want to spring for a Tuxedo. But since most guys this age don’t own a dark suit, it’s pretty much the same price or more to buy a suit than it is to rent a tux. If it’s just a matter of style preference, a suit is perfectly acceptable these days, depending on your school, your clique, and of course, your date.

• Suit – Black or Navy, trim cut, 2 or 3 button. Whatever the  button count, DO NOT button the bottom button.
• Shirt – Crisp white Point collar shirt, NOT a button down. And by crisp, we mean starched and ironed. It can or can not be French Cuff, depending on your style and if you own a pair of cuff links. Do not make up cuff links. No paper clips, or binder clips (yes, I’ve seen both) or any other cute-sy to be clever contraption.
• Tie – If you’re going with a suit and not a Tuxedo, do not wear a bow tie. You should wear a long dark tie, preferably black if the suit is black, navy if the suit is navy.
• Pochette – Here’s where you can have a little fun. Go crazy with color.
• Socks – should match the pant color.
• Shoes – Should be black, preferably lace ups, Never loafers.
• Belt – should match the shoes.

 

Informal means The Uniform: (or The Charleston Tuxedo)

• Navy Blazer – can be 2, 3 button or double breasted. Gold/Brass buttons or dark. But it should fit.
• Shirt – should be white or pink point collar, (avoid Banker Blue as you sweat through blue). The shirt should be starched, ironed and clean.
• Bow tie or four in hand (long tie) – can be any color you want. Make it lively!
• Pants – khaki’s or gray flannels or crazy britches in mad color.
• Belt – Ribbon belt, needlepoint belt, brown belt or embroidered belt, but definitely not black.
• Shoes – loafers or saddle shoes or bucks, no socks.

See example here

Flowers – You get to order the flowers. Like everything, what you choose to order will depend on your date’s personality, her dress, and your budget. The types of Prom flowers you might order are:

• Corsage ($20-$50)– pinned on her chest
• Wrist Corsage ($20 -$50)– tied with ribbon on her wrist
• Nosegay ($50 -$100) a small bouquet (think wedding bouquet)
• Hair Clips ($15 – $30) if she’s into that. Do not assume. Always ask. This could be weird if you show up with some Vegas showgirl headpiece if she isn’t into it.

 

Grooming – Wash & comb your hair. Those three hairs on your chin are not manly. lose them. Careful with cologne.

Haircut – It’s a good idea to get a haircut two weeks prior to any big event where the pictures will last a lifetime and sometimes that is too close. It all depends on the guy. If you get regular hair cuts to keep your style sharp, then you already know this routine. But, if is the case with many guys these days, the hair is not worn in a precise cut (that shaggy bowl is good for everyday but you need a brush and a comb come Prom Night) add a little product. Keihl’s Silk Groom is a great non-greasy, non-spiky hair controller.

Getting Dressed –First of all, take a shower at least an hour before you plan to get dressed. Otherwise you’re going to get into all those layers and cinch that tie and all that humidity and heat from the shower will be trapped inside your clothes and you will begin your night wet as a sweat hog. Lay the clothes out, if you don’t have someone to help you, a friend, sibling or parent, you should definitely put the cuff links in the shirt before you put it on. The shirt studs are a pain, so just be prepared. The bow tie which usually sends many guys into an apoplectic state will be easy with this handy guide.

Heading Out the Door

To Limo or not to Limo. Personally I think limousines are ridiculous but this seems to be an ingrained part of the Prom ritual so hire one if you must. Far less pretentious is a big SUV you can all fit in. These can be easily rented for a fraction of the cost.

Picking her up – Go to the door. Alone. It does not matter if you are all a posse of good friends. If the parents want a group photo, you can go out to the car and bring everyone in.

Dinner – You don’t have to spend a fortune to impress. Ask a parent to host a dinner party. One of the nicest parts of a recent prom night I witnessed was when the parents threw a dinner party for the kids, serving as hosts, waiters and chefs. It was much more affordable than a fancy restaurant and much more comfortable for the kids.

The Code of Behavior

• Be on time. If you insist on being late, because it’s your thing or you may feel more comfortable arriving later if you don’t know many people, I totally understand. But so called “fashionably late” is fifteen minutes. Not a half hour. Not forty-five minutes, certainly not an hour. It’s not fashionable or cool. It’s just rude

• Mind your manners – Stand when she stands. Hold her chair. And always dance with the one who brought you.Brush up on your manners here at the Bill of Rites
• Do not remove your jacket or your tie. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If a man wears a tie out he wears a tie home. It is not sexy or cool to have your bow tie dangling down your shirt. Now I do relax the jacket rule if it’s chilly and your bare-shouldered date is cold, you would certainly slip your jacket over her shoulders.  When a guy is standing his jacket should always be buttoned, but leave the bottom button undone, whether a 2 button jacket or 3, leave the bottom one undone.
• Do not desert your date. You dance with the one who brung you. Pay attention and be attentive. Stand when she stands, hold her chair, remove her coat, help her back into it, retrieve her drinks, do nothing for yourself you would not do for her first.
• Try not to sweat through your suit. I know this is hard to do when the groove is in your heart, but do try. Take a break from the dance floor. Nothing is worse than a soaking wet sweat hog in a tuxedo.
• When to leave. A gent never makes the first mention of going home. No matter if you are using the toothpick to keep your eyes open, you would always wait for your date to end the evening. Even if she asks you, you would politely tell her that you are completely content in her company.
• End of the night. Walk her to the door. As for the kiss good night, that’s your call.

 

Pictures

Practice your smile at home in front of the mirror. I know this sounds dumb, but it works. If you practice a smile in the mirror your brain will remember how your face feels in the smile that looks best on you. Try it. You’ll thank me when the pics come in.

 

Now go shake a leg, have fun and be confident in the knowledge that you are informed.