Readers’ Questions Answered

Dear SP,

I have a question regarding wedding attire.  I would like to know if it is appropriate to wear a linen suit to a Chicago wedding on Memorial Day weekend.  My girlfriend has indicated it is not.  Please share your thoughts.
Christopher

Dear Christopher,
The question begs more questions. The wedding is in Chicago you say but what time of day and indoors or out? If this is a day wedding (before six o’clock) or an early evening wedding out of doors, by all means wear the linen suit. Memorial Day is the official start of the summer season and it is completely appropriate to don the lighter fabrics and colors. If the wedding is indoors and starts at six (or continues past) you would feel more comfortable in a darker suit, even dark linen, but darker all the same. Technically, any wedding that begins at six or extends past that hour, would require a man to wear  a dinner suit (black tie), but since nobody adheres to that rule anymore you should sniff around before showing up that decked out. Now run over to Brooks and get yourself one of my new bow ties to wear with that linen suit. Thanks for writing and dance a jig with the bride for me. Please see this earlier post on Summer Weddings.
Cordially,
SP

Dear SP,

I go to college in an area with a surplus of unsightly and sometimes scary homeless people (I don’t mean to be rude or politically incorrect, just honest). When I’m walking with my girlfriend I usually try to walk on the curb as it rains here often, and I hope to protect her from splashing puddles. However, homeless people usually sit against the buildings on the other side of the sidewalk. I know that they bother my girlfriend. Is it okay for me to break rank and walk between her and the homeless when it is dry? Or is it considered poor etiquette?

Thank you,
Jon

Dear Jon,
Aren’t  you the considerate chap? One of the main reasons for the old etiquette rules is to protect or shield a woman from harm or discomfort: walking on the curbside, holding the door, following her up the stairs and preceding her down, or entering a dark room before her. The usual rules that we fall into now are more for decorum than protection, so when a situation arises such as you’ve pointed out, let common sense be your guide and switch to put your lady friend at ease. What could be more gallant than that?
Cordially,
SP

Dear SP,

Recently I came across a series of congratulatory notes sent to Details Magazine marking their tenth anniversary.  Several of the notes had the name at the top of the formal stationary crossed out.  The article I was reading claimed this was done to show familiarity with the recipient.  Since I frequently send notes to very close friends, should I mark out my formal name at the top of my stationery when writing them?
AS

Dear AS,
This is an old rule and one that is perfectly correct. The trouble is, some people just cross out their names willy nilly. I receive many business-oriented thank you notes with the surname crossed out and I consider this an affectation. I mean, if we’ve only talked on the phone, or I met you one time at a function, we are not close friends and would hence not be worthy of the distinction “friend” but rather “acquaintance. In the end, do as your comfort level dictates but with very close friends you would be correct in crossing out all but your first name.
Cordially,
SP