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Isn’t it funny — and by funny, I mean sad — that the only photo around of a man opening a door for a woman is from the 1940’s? This fact should tell you more than you need to know and only serves to re-enforce the resolve of SP to offer up these little finds unearthed in my archeological digs. So here we go.
A man opens a car door for a lady. Yes, you know this and you practice this on a first date or two, then lapse into comfort. But you should be opening the door all the time so this practice becomes second nature. You open the door for your mother, your aunt, your grandmother, for any woman your age or older. In a nod to modernity, this rule can be relaxed when the sexes mix and it is all friends and no romance, but you should wait until the woman instructs you otherwise before you abandon this courtesy. And this isn’t just car doors, mind you. Front doors — any door you open — should be held open to allow a woman to walk through before you. If it’s an extremely heavy door you can push through before her and hold it until she passes. On a revolving door, give it a push to start the contraption moving then allow the lady to enter first. Alone. One person in a revolving door pie slice at a time please.
There are more rules about walking in front or behind a woman on the stairs (behind her on the way up, in front of her on the way down), or the exception of when you would walk into a room before a woman (if the room is dark or creepy), which we can cover in subsequent posts, but SP just wanted to get this out after witnessing some recent egregious behavior from men on the street. The front door policy goes for older gentlemen as well. Younger defers to older as man defers to woman.
On a similar topic, a man driving a woman home walks her to the door. Exception to this rule would be when you are the same age or the girl is younger and she jumps out of the car before you can react or perhaps you are old friends and this formality seems, well, formal. At night a gentleman driving a car should always wait until his passenger is safely inside the house or building before pulling away. This courtesy should be extended to anyone actually, man or woman. If you are driving someone home or to a destination at night, wait for your passenger to walk safely through the door. As for city folks entertaining in high rises or apartment buildings, a gentleman should always walk a woman to a taxi. SP has seen far too many a woman attempt to leave a party unescorted to the street. Even if she objects or refuses your offer, make up an excuse to run down to the corner deli for a pack of mints, and on the way you will safely deposit her into a taxi, feminism still intact.
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this post has 11 comments
I love, love, love your blog, SP! I’m so relieved there are other like-minded people when it comes to this— it often seems like “The Gentleman” is a dying breed. I am a 23 year old woman living in Hilton Head and I have to say that even though we are only an hour and a half from Charleston it seems all manners get lost somewhere on Highway 17! I think it’s so funny because I always hold the door for my girlfriends and you can see how awkward they feel… but I just think it’s little courtesies like this that to some may seem silly that make the world a little sweeter. My brother was raised to be a gentleman and I was raised to expect (and give) a certain level of respect to/from others. Do you know how many times that has earned me the label of High Maintenance? For “expecting” these simple things you outline here….
posted on July 10, 2011
Megan
3232
Being a young man raised in the south, I try to always open the door for a lady. However in my doing so I have encountered a problem. I will open the door for the lady and hold it open for her to walk through, but then a line occurs behind her. I usually remain there, holding the door for everyone. But what started as a courteous gesture turns into a job as a doorman. What is the appropriate action to take in this situation? Thanks
posted on October 21, 2010
Joe
1910
Sadly, I posted at length, and the post was lost in cyberspace. That being the case, I will forgo the lengthy post and simply say thank you so much for a very enjoyable read!
posted on May 26, 2010
Robert
1547
[...] etiquette rules is to protect or shield a woman from harm or discomfort: walking on the curbside, holding the door, following her up the stairs and preceding her down, or entering a dark room before her. The usual [...]
posted on May 15, 2010
Social Primer
1526
I would just like to say that my husband has always opened the doors from our very first date to this morning coming home from some friends’ house after breakfast.
When it rains and we’re out, he’ll go get our truck from the parking lot and bring it to the door, hop out and open my door for me.
I am proud to be married to a gentleman!
posted on December 19, 2009
KG
1021
Excellent post. Since I am a southern man and try to be a gentlemen as taught by my grandmother, I open the door for a woman and always will and I have tried to teach my son the same courtesy. After After 40 years of marriage to the same lady she still appreciates my opening the door.
posted on December 12, 2009
Bill Vickery
1010
Excellent post, SP!
It always annoys me when I see a man lazing in the driver’s seat of a car while a lady is trying to get into the car and out of the rain. Very common sight, I’m sad to say.
Thanks also for the bit about walking up/down stairs, I was not too sure about that myself.
posted on December 11, 2009
James Abend
1007
More often ignored nowdays is the courtesy of the man walking near the curb when strolling with a lady. Most young people are totally ignorant of this today.
posted on December 10, 2009
W. Vernon Trotter
1005
Without realising, my father has always done this for us. He always says its for our safety. If we fall down the stairs, he will aways be there to catch us.
Congratulations on this last post!
posted on December 10, 2009
CF
1004
A fantastic post, though I only wish it wasn’t necessary. Why don’t people realize that this is simply a matter of common courtesy?
Perhaps a silly question but I will ask it nonetheless: if you are going through a door that opens outwards (i.e. away from you) do you open it and hold it without walking through, or walk through and hold it from the other side? It is sometimes quite awkward (physically, I mean) to do the former, though I believe it’s more correct.
Dear Mr. X,
You are correct. You would push through the door and hold it open from the other side.
Cordially,
SP
posted on December 9, 2009
Mr X
1000
Good post on courtesy. I hold the door for women, always have and I always will. One thing I’m a bit leery of is the whole walking in front of or behind a woman. Especially on stairs. I know it’s polite to allow the woman to start up the stairs ahead of me. I hope women accept this as just polite and not some creepy habit of men to get a chance to ogle their backside.
posted on December 9, 2009
RHW
999