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How many times do you receive an invitation to an event and the dress code says something like this? Business casual. Or semi-casual. Or cocktail attire. Here’s a new one I just received printed on an invitation today. Dressy cocktail attire. Honestly. What the hell is going on? Are we so inured to the omnipresence of t-shirts and flip flops that we don’t have any idea what to wear to things? And it isn’t only our fault. When hostesses run about making up dress codes it is no damn wonder we don’t know what to wear and show up woefully inappropriately dressed for an occasion.
Event season is upon us and you know what that means. It’s time to dress up. Put away the shorts and flip flops and pull out the blazers and bow ties. Football games, tailgates, play openings, fraternity rush, charity events, gallery openings, weddings, mixers, socials whatever your pleasure. ‘Tis the season to get out and about. Let’s dress up a bit, shall we? Show the event and your hostess some respect. Tie the tie, square your shoulders and walk into an event with pride and confidence.
For the record, in America, there are only five dress codes that should ever be printed on an invitation. Formal, Semi-formal, Informal, Casual and Costume.
The Way it Should Be (and historically always was)
Formal – Means White Tie and this is the only time you would ever wear a white tie. Not a real worry here because outside of a seriously fancy wedding or an invitation to the White House to meet Her Majesty, you won’t encounter this dress code many times in your life. But when and if you do, Formal means white tie and tails in the evening and Morning Dress (grey coat, top hat and tails) for the day. I’ve forgiven President Obama for wearing a white bow tie with his dinner suit on Inauguration Night, but only barely.
Semi-Formal (or Black Tie) – Semi-Formal means Black tie. Whether we call it a dinner suit or Tuxedo, it’s all the same. And this means full on black tie right down to the cummerbund and shiny shoes. And a black bow tie! Always. No long tie, black or whatever. Ever. Check out this definitive guide and a great resource on black tie. www.blacktieguide.com
Informal – Means a suit, a tie and the whole nine yards. You could get away with wearing a blazer and khakis as long as the shirt is crisp. No polos.
Casual – although I abhor this term and it shouldn’t even be listed here as we should all be dressing this way anyway, but here goes, Casual means that you don’t have to wear a tie. Simple. It does not mean you can bounce up in a party with shorts and a t-shirt. Wear khakis or jeans, a good shoe, a belt, a polo, a button-down or sweater and a blazer. For the record, a man should wear a blazer everywhere he goes. If it gets hot, slip it off, but always wear a blazer when you enter the room socially or for business. In fact, a good idea is just to keep a blue blazer in the trunk of your car. If someone has invited you over to their house for dinner or a drink and a little TV, wear a blazer. Unless of course, it’s an old friend, then you know what your comfort level is and what the host expects.
Costume- SP loves a costume party. There should be more of them. Themes! In fact SP has just received one such invitation this very minute. The dress code: Swanky Trailer Park. Now that is a challenge and one we will have to ponder. Ah, this is the good stuff of life. And if your hostess has said costume, you damn well better wear a costume. Come on, you can do it. How many times in life do you get the chance to wear a silly outfit? Embrace it. Now across the pond there is another distinction and one I hope to introduce here in the parties I host this year and that is Fancy Dress. In England, Fancy Dress means costume party; it does not mean formal or dress up. I am thinking of a Brideshead Revisited party this fall. I will be Sebastian, of course, complete with Aloysius and all.
So now that we’ve reviewed the historical distinctions of dress code, let’s address the modern conundrum that many hostesses don’t know or, as I suspect, have given up on expecting her guests to dress appropriately. To that end, herewith the explanations of some recently spotted dress requests on invitations.
The Way it Is (a reluctant bow to contemporary mores)
Business Formal – means you should wear a serious suit, tie, good shoe et al.
Business Dress – means a suit and a tie or blazer, dress pants or khakis and a good hard shoe.
Business Casual – means a blazer, tie optional, polo or button down, khakis or jeans and a good hard shoe.
Dressy Casual – same as Business Casual. By the way, if there is any word I hate more than “Classy”, it’s “Dressy”.
Cocktail – means a suit and a tie or blazer, dress pants or khakis and a good hard shoe.
By a good hard shoe, I mean a lace-up or a loafer. No soft sole, no Docksiders, no sneakers or Van’s. Sorry LA, put on a hard shoe. See the Shoe Guide.
**These dress codes are suitable outside of the East Coast urban areas, New York City, Boston, Philadelphia and Washington DC where suits are the norm and khakis and jeans are frowned upon after graduation. There is also to be considered the distinction between Town versus Country.
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this post has 8 comments
[...] The Way it Should Be (and historically always was) See previous post here. [...]
posted on February 24, 2010
ASK SP: Readers’ Queries Answered
1261
SP,
I very much enjoy your site, and I find this particular post to be utterly essential reading for any gentleman who seeks acceptance into polite society.
I thought I might bring to your attention a blog post that I wrote a few months ago on this same subject, but geared towards classical musicians. As a classical musician myself, I frequently work with students and find that the young men among them rarely have even the most basic concept of appropriate attire.
http://www.willcwhite.com/2009/03/vitalis-and-barbasol/
Perhaps your readers will find interest in the sorts of considerations that we must keep in mind in the music business. All the best to you in your continuing endeavors to re-civilize and de-heathenize our society.
posted on September 22, 2009
Mr. Wm. White
726
I was recently invited to an engagement party at a beautiful home in Scarsdale, NY and was advised that the dress code was “country club casual”. I wore loafers, khakis and a blue button down shirt and fit in fine; my attire was appropriate compared with everyone else. However, after reading your article I wonder if I my choice of clothing truly matched the dress code indicated.
Dear GadgetBoy,
You seem to have been comfortable in your sartorial decisions, as you say you were appropriately dressed by the standards of the other men in the room. That said, if you and everyone else had been in shorts and grungy t-shirts, would that have made it appropriate? I would have worn a tie.
Cordially,
SP
posted on September 22, 2009
GadgetBoy
725
“Classy” makes me cringe!
posted on September 19, 2009
Jill
719
I love dress codes and under the category of “Learning something new”,
I always thought “Formal” meant Black Tie and that if White Tie was
the order of the day, the invitation would say “White Tie” or “White Tie
and Tails”. I must disagree with SP on one point: Jeans are NEVER
acceptable except on the ranch or camping trips and the like. Talk about
a salmon trying to swim upstream! I wish you had been at the theater
a few weeks ago. It was a live performance and the Music Center
in L.A. Not an opening night but an evening performance of a concert
by two very venerable stars of the Broadway stage. SP would probably
have been apoplectic at the horrifying modes of dress on display. And
not just by young people. Most of the audience of all ages were dressed as if they were going to weed the garden. One young woman
was wearing short shorts, a cotton tank top and flip-flops!
In any case, I will admit that I love being a slob but it’s much nicer
to swap jeans for linen slacks and a tee shirt for going to the market
instead of ripped old jeans, (some of which cost over $1,000.00) Will
this stupid fad ever die away????
But while we are on the subject, is there a difference between what a
lady should wear to a “Formal” (White Tie) event and a “Semi-Formal”
(Black Tie) event? I think they both call for a full on evening gown
but you may know of a subtle difference that has eluded me.
With Thanks,
Cat
posted on September 18, 2009
Cat
717
Dear SP,
I was once invited to a dinner party that did not indicate dress code. Some of my fellow invitees explained to me that it was a costume party (or as they like to say in some locales, “fancy dress”). Well, since I love a costume party as much (OK, probably much more) than the next person, I showed up for dinner in full pirate regalia, including eye patch and parrot. As you have probably guessed by now, it was not a costume party and I was the victim of a cruel joke. Given the obvious importance of the dress code, how would you suggest I retaliate against the perpetrators of this insensitive farce?
Sincerely,
Black Bart
Dear Black Bart,
I am still laughing at your inquiry and thank you immensely, as I am sure your dinner host did. What joy you must have brought to her face when you showed up in Fancy Dress. You sound like a man with a deep sense of humor as well as a strong sense of yourself, so I am not worried by your friends’s attempt at amusement on your behalf. We should all have such friends. As for retaliation, I think you will find the appropriate time and place to return the favor. Until then, ahoy matey.
Cordially,
SP
posted on September 18, 2009
Johann Faust
716
I was invited to a Law School celebration at a NY destination venue (old bank converted to party space): drinks, buffet of tastings, live music. The invitation said cocktail attire. In line with your The Way It Is, I wore a blazer (odd jacket) in English tweed, gray worsted dress pants, forward point collar shirt and tie, bench made shoes (lace up three eyelet). Many of the men were in business suits, many in blue blazers, some had no ties; a few couples were semi-formal.
Was I under dressed? Were the couples in black tie overdressed and showing off?
Dear Mr. Gettinger,
I am sure you looked dapper and if you were comfortable, that is the most important thing. I do think that tweed can look a little Country, hence the Town versus Country conundrum. In NYC, a suit is the most appropriate thing a man can wear to the event you’ve described. As for the men in black tie, I would assume they were on their way to another event after yours that called for semi-formal. Otherwise, yes, they were showing off and probably a bit ridiculous.
Cordially,
SP
posted on September 18, 2009
j gettinger
715
[...] a reason why I keep Social Primer in my sidebar. This is it. For the record, in America, there are only five dress codes that should ever be printed on an [...]
posted on September 18, 2009
Social Primer is a great site. | The Gentleman Mason
713