Voices Carry

A reader writes:

Dear SP,
My wife and I dined at an upscale S. Florida restaurant in celebration of my 40th birthday. Let me put the meal into perspective by saying this restaurant is owned by a celebrated owner/chef of 20 years – not your everyday dining experience. The chef challenges local patrons, during mango season, to haul 200 lbs of mangos to his restaurant where you are justly rewarded dinner for 2 – a five course tasting menu. Cut to the chase. We arrived to a very quiet dining experience with the exception of a father and son that were sat just as we were.  Just 3 tables from us, I unfortunately was privy to all their conversation, which at first was harmless. Shortly into our meal the adjacent table started to drop f-bombs. Ok, I’m not a prude, but then the son (40ish buff model, jet-setting type) proceeded to detail his sexual conquests, replete with every lewd word (dreaded ‘C’ word) repeated ad nauseum. The restaurant filled up, two young women were seated right next to the offenders, and the conversation was dialed up a notch. My bride, fortunately could not hear. I however found it impossible to tune them out. Please SP, advise me for future events (hopefully never) so that I may be prepared. Had I to pay full fare for the meal, I think I would have left hastily after the 1st course.
Sincerely,
George

SP would like to begin by saying that when readers turn to this site, or any other outlet concerning the comforts of civility, they are already on the road to the civilized life. That is to say, I sometimes fear whatever we say here is merely more preaching to the choir. There are rude people all around us, unfortunately, and they do not understand the first tenet of traversing society. And I don’t mean High Society here. I mean anywhere outside the cave or deep woods where we encounter each other as human beings. Generosity. That’s it and it’s that simple. How do we want to be treated? I also witness situations where the person is not intending to be rude but rudeness is nevertheless the effect when they simply talk too loud. One should not speak so that his conversation can be heard by any other than the one he is intending to talk to.  Anecdote: I have a dear old friend who is one of the most polite people I know. He has an unusual characteristic in his voice that somehow carries sound far even when he speaks in a normal voice. Twice I have been with this gentleman on public transportation, a bus and a train, and the driver or conductor has instructed him to lower his voice as, in her words, “nobody wants to hear your conversation.” Funny.  And true.

In the case of the ding dong diners above, I imagine the clueless father and son would be equally annoyed and offended if someone sat next to them and proceeded to perorate on a subject they did not appreciate.  Short of taking out my favorite weapon, a pie in the face, what are we to do in these situations when turning the other cheek and ignoring the offender is not an option?

The immediate course of action is to alert the person in charge. In this case this would be the maitre d’. These people are not only ruining yours and your fellow diners experience but this scene is a terrible reflection of his establishment and damaging the place’s reputation.  This should, in ninety-nine percent of the cases, do the trick. After all, this is not cowardice on your part if you choose not to confront the men. That is not your position or job to perform; it is the maitre d’s.  If this fails to resolve the situation, I am afraid the only thing left to do is leave. I would no more sit there and listen to the crudities of a buffoon than I would stand in the pouring rain.  Free meal or not. And finally it is sad to say, but I suppose in the end there really is no such thing as a free meal.