Comments on: You All Look Amazing

By: Marie

Marie — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 13:31:16 +0000

As a Southern woman who enjoys a compliment as much as the next person, I agree that many Southern men are skilled charmers. There’s just one caveat, it must be genuine. Too much hyperbole, loudly spoken with feigned enthusiasm turns a nice gesture into show of self-indulgence. At that point the “compliment” merely becomes a vehicle for the gentleman to show us all just how “charming” he is. I agree with Sarah that in general compliments should be made privately and quietly.

By: jan

jan — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:37:46 +0000

As a transplanted Northern gal — now happily living in the South — I just adore charming Southern men! At a recent party, one nattily dressed gentlemen showered all of the ladies with: “Such a gorgeous group of ladies — gentlemen — we are truly blessed with beauty tonight!!” And many years ago — a younger gentlemen was kind to single out my mum (who was 85 years old at the time!) with: “M’am — You look wonderful — just beautiful tonight!” She was glowing all evening! And another young man asked her to dance! She talked about that party for years!

By: sarah

sarah — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:33:02 +0000

I agree with a previous comment that there are some occassions (black tie events), where the woman has made an obvious effort to look wonderful and compliments (most notably from her husband or date), are more than warranted and wanted.
On the whole compliments should be made privately and quietly.
As an aside,has anyone else noticed that sales people in clothing stores seem to compliment you on something (i.e. “I love your sweater, shoes etc.), when you enter their stores. It really makes me wonder if this is some kind of ploy. Anyway – that’s an example of a compliment that really doesn’t work.

By: tartanscot

tartanscot — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 18:22:06 +0000

kind of a side note –

as a fellow southerner as well – I love seeing someone’s face light up when a compliment is given. And your post will make me more aware of the social environment when I say “wow, you look especially wonderful!”

but, on to my side note – there is almost a universal response to “Wow, you look especially wonderful” from several of the ladies in my life – it sounds like “Oh, no. I never liked this sweater, but couldn’t find anything else this morning.” or “Thanks, but these shoes are killing me!” or “Really? I don’t like what my hair is doing.”

I wish people, when offered a compliment, could accept it graciously.

Go0d points Tartan,
I also feel it is a bit unseemly for a man to accept a compliment on his appearance. I quiet little thank you is all that is called for.
SP

By: metscan

metscan — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:18:53 +0000

I have had it hard in accepting compliments all my life, perhaps due to the way I have been raised. At this certain age, I have finally recognized my deficiency, and am learning to do something about it. Wow, it is difficult, but I try to keep in mind, that if I deny a compliment, it will be rude to the other party too.

By: Lillian

Lillian — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:06:27 +0000

I enjoy being told that I look smashing. No, I know I’m not a dog but I do like the acknowledgement when I take the pains to really deck myself out. And I don’t consider it implying that I’m not attractive on other days.

If the way it was stated bothers you, perhaps a small change would help. You could always say “You look particularly gorgeous tonight.” the implication there being that you always look gorgeous!

By: Ellen

Ellen — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:16:32 +0000

Oh Social Primer! You’ve touched a sensitive nerve! I was out on the town (in my town) with my very beautiful and perfectly coiffed sister-in-law from another state and our two husbands. My favorite waiter at an upscale sushi bar took her hand and said: “Can I just tell you something? I saw you on Friday at the Holiday Inn and you are stunning. And your wedding ring is absolutely incredible!” He then told her husband he is “a lucky man”.

Guess what he said to me? “Oh! I didn’t recognize you without your glasses!” He also commented on my brother-in-law’s clothing and shoes. I had rushed from a business meeting and hadn’t had time to freshen up so was already feeling wilted. The waiter’s comments took the wind right out of my sails. Hearing SP explain that I may have been on the unfortunate receiving end of public flattery makes me feel marginally better. It helps me understand that this is one reason why we have customs and protocol in polite society…to avoid making someone feel horrible!

Thank you!
Ellen

By: Anne

Anne — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:15:03 +0000

Ahoy from Rhode Island!

I am in violent agreement with you. It is well and proper to make an effort in ones dress, in that it shows respect for others in the same way polite manners do. My grandmother always said, “at the very least, you can be well dressed, Anne.”

That said, I am ever so annoyed by my husband’s compliments, for exactly the reason you describe: I do not want certain outfits or hairstyles singled out as superior, I simply want general approval. I would much prefer to hear “hello, beautiful” on a regular basis than some specific rave on the occasional evening. Is the implication that I should only wear those clothes that illicit hyper-approval, and jettison all others? Likewise, I would prefer to know when my husband dislikes what I’m wearing rather than have to infer that he is less than thrilled when compliments are withheld (he readily admits to this tactic, too).

Fondly,

Anne

p.s. – please do a column on Bruno… I am dying to hear your perspective!

By: Selden

Selden — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:22:18 +0000

Another woman chiming in… First of all, great comments above. I would only add that sincere compliments are wonderful and should never be held back. Even the loveliest woman feels fabulous when complimented. The handful of women who take it the wrong way are suffering from a serious lack of confidence and oh boy, the ones who actually question if your compliment means they usually look bad… such bad form and so sad.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:05:17 +0000

I think compliments are always appropriate when it is obvious someone has put forth a special effort into their appearance. For example, at a party or black tie event, I almost always compliment other women on their dresses, jewelry, hair, etc. If there is a whole group of women, I might say something like, “Everyone looks so pretty tonight” or something to that effect, rather than singling out one particular person.

As a side note, I am expecting a baby, and now more than ever, I appreciate a compliment on my appearance. I don’t feel quite the same about my appearance as I did in the past, so even the smallest “you are glowing” makes my day!