Mind Your (Text) Message

Readers are often asking SP if there are etiquette guidelines on texting and emailing. The answer is definitely yes and there are a million articles out there addressing the subject ad nauseum. Don’t send a message in haste or when lost in your cups. Always let an angry email rest for a night before firing it off. This is all common sense. One hopes.

 
A finer point may be made in the details and you know that is where SP likes to dwell. A reader (let’s call him Brutus) recently shared a tale of a rift with a friend (let’s call him Caesar) after a series of text messages. Brutus was bewildered at how his seemingly benign words had deepened the fissure in his already tenuous relations with Caesar. Brutus says he sent the harmless text message and that Caesar responded angrily. Now Brutus was confused and further from resolution with Caesar than he had ever imagined.

Words as Knives: Texts messages (and emails) are comprised of words. There is no stage direction to light the way to deeper or intended meaning. Moreover, there is no inflection, tone or expression to buttress what comes through the wireless as there is when we talk to each other. Words through an electronic format (or paper for that matter) are received by the mood of the receiver, more so in the case of text messages which are by nature succinct. This warrants repeating. Words through an electronic format are received by the mood of the receiver. If you are in an argument or disagreement with someone and you fire off a quick text, that message is going to be received in the tenor of your last verbal exchange.

I wonder how often we inadvertently offend people with quick and thoughtless emails and texts? Yes these inventions are the joy of the modern age and undoubtedly an indispensable part of our lives now. Business and — God forbid — social lives have been transformed with the ease of the new communication. But remember this the next time an argument escalates or tensions rise and you can’t understand why. Perhaps your words were received in a tone you never intended much less imagined. If a situation needs reparation, pick up the telephone for Pete’s sake. Or drive on over for a face-to-face. Leave the texting to “Where are you?” and “I am here” or “Meet me at Seven.” Save the declarations and reparations for face-to-face or voice-to-voice.