Social Primer

SP has a confession to make.  SP is a serial double-booker. After years of hiding this affliction, I have recently been called out after an egregious lapse in manners that ended up offending a favorite hostess. So now herewith, a confession wrapped in an essay, offered as mea culpa begging for forgiveness. Now before I lose some of you with what may be deemed another one of SP’s rare and fancified problems hold on and read on. We like to address all angles of the civilized world here. And if this happens to one it can surely happen to all.

Double-booking is saying yes to two or more events on the same night.  You might ask how this is possible to attend two events in a single evening. Well, it is quite easy actually. You check in to one event, say hello to the host, grab a drink, mingle around and then French Leave before heading out to the next one.  For SP this affliction surely must have begun in the salad days of a young buck in New York City where one is invited to many events in a single evening and one hops from party to party. It also comes from a deep desire to please and an inability to say no. Recently SP was invited to — and attended — two dinner parties and one late-night gathering on a single evening. The overbooking went so well — the timing is crucial — that SP had perhaps become a bit brazen in the art of double-booking and was primed for a take down.

While this routine has worked well for many years, this Memorial Day was memorable in that I got caught and caused the worst of all grievances and that is offending a generous hostess.  The first event on the books was for a casual dinner at 8 PM. The second invitation came later for a barbecue at 6 pm. No problem – I reasoned — for any skilled double booker. I informed the party of the first part that I would be a bit late for the dinner at 8. Then I received a call that the barbecue at 6 was actually for 7. So like any addict, I told myself this still was not a problem. I had already informed the first party of my lateness, so I was covered. Or so I thought. I arrived at the barbecue on time and informed the hostess of my dilemma and that I would need to leave by 8:30. Well, 8:30 turned to 9:15 whereupon I received an irate call from the party of the first part. I had to abruptly jump up from the barbecue table and scoot out like a crab running for the water’s edge. Well, naturally I succeeded in offending not one but two hostesses on that fine day.

The trick to double booking is to consider the host and the event. Book parties, store parties, drinks parties are all within the easily-navigated realm of the advanced double booker. These are larger events where your presence is appreciated but not marked or noticeable. Small events such as dinner parties are best left to single booking. My recent brazen yet successful turn at double booking had given me false confidence and as is the case with any pride before a fall, left me feeling invincible.

So as I make this pronouncement into my own mirror, I offer this to you as well. When a host or hostess invites one to a dinner party it is — as I’ve said a hundred times before — because one is expected to entertain, not only the hostess but her guests. My abrupt departure from one and late arrival to the other left a blank space in the respective hosts’ tables which is an almost unforgiveable transgression against civility. What I believed was an attempt to please inflicted the exact opposite of my intentions. I had offended and taken for granted two hostesses.  SP has seen the error of his double-booking ways and vows to honor each invitation and more importantly, to learn to say no when conflicts arise. It will not be easy but isn’t recognition the first step to recovery?

SP recommends: Hostess gifts are necessary and can help to repair strained relations. These monogrammed coasters are always well-received.

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