SP Hit List: Think Before You Leap

He was dressed like a gentleman, but his behavior gave a truer indication of him than did his garments.
–Manners for Men, Mrs. Humphry, 1897

At a recent dinner party SP was seated next to a beautiful and successful woman in full control of interesting conversation peppered with amusing anecdotes. Her date seated across from us was by all signs a gent. By appearance he was handsome, well-dressed, well-groomed, and in good shape. It was not until the meal had begun in earnest did his “truer indication” reveal itself and he was soon floundering in water way over his head. His date grew increasingly uncomfortable. His model looks notwithstanding, one wondered what she was doing with him. It was not that his manners were atrocious or that he ate his food with his fingers, no the distinctions were a bit subtler but still quite easy to read. His tone was boisterous, cocksure and showy and not in a good way. We were at a dinner table, not an athletic field. When a man draws attention to himself, particularly in business or refined company, he had better be able to live up to it. One does not have to be to the manor born to succeed in polite company. Humility is more charming than swagger as overconfidence is oftentimes overplayed.

There is an old saying that states it is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it. I know, SP is full of borrowed wisdom today, deal with it. The first rule of entering into unfamiliar territory is this. Stay under the radar. When I am introduced to a new circle of friends, older friends are surprised to find that I am a bit shy and withdrawn. It isn’t that I am suddenly tongue tied or have misplaced my dazzling personality. It is that one should tread lightly on new terrain before striking a tent or planting a flag. Making declarations, pronouncements and seeking attention are actions best reserved for those who know the lay of the land.

Our Mr. Tyro above stepped into the deep manure when he thought he was channeling Cary Grant.  He held forth on the selection of the wine, when it was clear to anyone who knew anything about wine that he was an ignoramus. For the record, SP knows doodly about wine and SP keeps his mouth shut. Another ridiculous move occurred when Tyro literally pointed his nose into the air in an affectation of class that no one of real class ever affects. I have written of piss elegance before as it is one of the biggest sins against civility. Be yourself. Never pretend that you are something you are not.

I don’t mean to say we should withdraw like a turtle when encountering the unfamiliar. If we find ourselves in new and uncomfortable situations, observe.  We should always be polite and charming and answer questions when directed, but we should never stand up on a soap box or grab the lectern when we don’t know what the hell we are talking about. If you are unsure of which fork to use, watch the person next to you. If you are unsure of a conversation or topic, wait until one you are familiar with comes back around. If you don’t know a Pinot Noir from a Grigio, don’t order the wine.