Comments on: In Defense of Small Talk

By: nycbill

nycbill — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:59:40 +0000

well this is a tough one, because i don’t do anything….most people can’t understand this……but i love it, summers at the beach, winters hibernating….i find the one asking the question is usually the uncomfortable one….

By: PJH in STL

PJH in STL — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:12:30 +0000

Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” goes into great detail about how to make small talk.
To sum it up, a great conversationalist asks another person about his or her thoughts, ideas and interests, then listens intently to the answers. A brief question or statement to show you are really listening makes you an exceptional conversationalist.

By: IF

IF — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:23:45 +0000

Really nice advice. I’m not a fan of “What do you do?” immediately upon being introduced to a new person. But realize sometimes it’s all someone has in the arsenal, so I roll with it and politely respond. Sound workaround for getting to the answer.

By: style court

style court — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:06:51 +0000

Oh and I think Elisabeth’s suggestion is wonderful.

By: style court

style court — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:02:06 +0000

This is a great topic. Everyone has an interesting perspective.

I do think there is another reason that the “What do you do question?” makes people tense up, and it has nothing to do with prestige or money. It’s dreading the follow up questions that come when a profession is mentioned. Many doctors I know, or individuals who work in government, for example, grow weary of answering the same questions over and over, or worse getting into politics.

By: Elisabeth

Elisabeth — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:52:24 +0000

What an interesting discussion. I have a friend who asks not, “What do you do?” but “What do you do in real life?” This question provides just enough of the unexpected to allow the propositioned the ability to answer however they feel led. For example, I might answer, “My real life is dull, but in my play time I’m a photographer.” Thus initiating a more interesting conversation. My personal small talk question is, “What do you enjoy doing?” which allows the person to talk about their job, if they enjoy it, or lead the conversation elsewhere if they so desire.

Good and timely discussion, SP. Well done.

By: Johann Faust

Johann Faust — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:47:55 +0000

The concerned hostess sounds wonderful…and beautiful.

By: shameless small talker

shameless small talker — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:20:22 +0000

I never understood why people are so insulted by the question what do you do? I always asked it myself ( after the “where are you from” question of course) to, as SP describes “glean information” and see what common interests we have so that I know what else to ask about them to keep the conversation going! Not always an easy task even once you find out they’re an accountant ( at which point I say, great my brother’s an accountant!). I am personally a very open person and my feeling is if you want to get to know people and make friends you have to give some information up. Don’t you like what you do? If not can’t you parlay the question then into what you want to do? I mean be creative people and stop putting up the walls, the world will be a much more interesting and friendly place. If people are embarrassed about what they do or how much money they make it’s up to them to figure out how to handle it. I’m not asking your net worth, just as SP says “How you spend your time” and what interests you.