The Present of Presence

During the holidays, it can be so easy to get wrapped up — as it were — in the cost of things that we end up missing the real spirit of the season. There seems to be a competitive necessity to outspend or at least match the value of a gift expected or already received.  SP thinks this is all hooey. First of all, you should never feel obligated to give someone a Christmas gift. Even when someone gives you a gift that you were not expecting, do not feel guilty and do not feel compelled to run out and buy this person a gift in return. A simple thank you will suffice.

By all means take care of the people you love: your parents, your siblings, your children, your spouse or partner. But you should never experience anxiety about gift giving. There should not be this overreaching relentlessness in shopping to bestow expensive gifts on everyone and anyone. And in these lean economic times one should — more than ever — exercise restraint. We won’t even discuss the foolishness of compiling credit card debt in order to seem generous or well-off. Citing one extreme example, a friend tells me his big-shot sister visits their home only once a year, at Christmas, bestowing bags full of expensive gifts on his modest family. The gifts seem meant to outshine everyone else’s and perhaps make the sister feel less guilty about her lack of investment in the family. Well, lucky for the family who receives such luxurious gifts, you say? My friend says his family is oftentimes embarrassed and feels inadequate that they cannot match her largesse. However, since the sister is probably just happy to share her good fortune, the family should receive these gifts with the utmost appreciation and graciousness.

For some people the holidays are a distraction that they do not appreciate, enjoying instead the routine of everyday life. For others, the sound of Christmas music in the air fills the heart with joy and nostalgia. Whatever your mood this holiday season, remember the wisdom of keeping your feet on the ground and your wallet in your pocket. There is no need to run about like a headless chicken snatching items thoughtlessly off a shelf to stuff into a box and distribute carelessly. Concentrate on the ones you love and gift them with something from the heart and most importantly, something that you can afford. If that is a box of cookies and an earnest note attached, so be it. The receiver will be just as happy to read this heartfelt sentiment as they will to receive another sweater or bottle of perfume.  Great gifts do not have to be expensive or even exotic. We are not ten years old waiting sleeplessly through the long Christmas Eve hoping Santa has read our list right. Let us enjoy the time spent with the ones we love and lighten up on the anxiety we create for ourselves as well as the overzealous expectations, shall we? 

SP recommends:  The new Christmas CD from Martha’s Trouble. The monogrammed L.L. Bean Boat and Tote for every man, woman and child on your list. It is affordable, practical and just plain neat. The new Andrew Jackson biography is excellent. The brilliant monograph from artist (and friend) Lulu de Kwiatkowksi. Take your parents to see Frost/Nixon on Christmas day. EasyandElegantLife provides a thorough and interesting gift guide. And of course, SocialPaper by SocialPrimer. Sorry, couldn’t resist.