SP Hit List: P. Elegance

Mister P. Elegant

Have you ever been dining in a restaurant and some member of your party makes everyone at the table uncomfortable by being rude to the server? Although it is not a common occurrence, I admit I have been witness to such behavior. In fact during a recent dinner at a very fine restaurant, a member of our party who was new to us — let’s call him Mr. P. Elegant — made just such a spectacle of himself. Our Mr. P. Elegant never deigned to acknowledge the server until he snapped rudely at her. I don’t see this very often, mind you, because I like to consider the company I keep to be measured to a higher standard. If a new acquaintance should exhibit such behavior, said person would not stay around to become better acquainted. To be rude to a server, a waiter, a bellman, an airline attendant (ahem) what have you, is beneath contempt, to use a common phrase.

There is an old Southern saying that applies to this condition. The phrase covers many situations but the source of its being used is always the same. It is vulgar and I even hesitate to share it, but the phrase is dead on and hence useful in this discussion. Piss Elegance. Webster’s New World Dictionary defines the term as displaying a contrived, often pretentious sophistication, opulence. The Urban Dictionary hits the mark even better defining the term thus: “A pretentious, actually quite tasteless, attempt at good taste.” This condition has nothing to do with real grace or civility. It is patina.

Look behind the behavior of the myriad personalities you see creating such spectacles and you will detect one distinguishing characteristic of the offenders. Not to put too fine a point on this subject, but usually these people are new to the scene. Discomfort and self-consciousness seem to be at play in these situations and the uninitiated oftentimes mistake class for snobbery and in turn talk down to those who serve them. It sometimes seems that the most insecure are the ones with their noses perched so high in the air. It is as if they learned what being civil is from a Hollywood movie. The next time you see such behavior, notice the source. The more someone thinks they have to prove, the more attitude – or piss elegance — they tend to display.

People of substance i.e., people with manners and people who appreciate good things do not treat servers or staff as inferiors. Do not do it. It is absolutely correct and good to thank someone who brings you a drink or sets a plate in front of you. Even if you are engaged in the most stimulating conversation with the recent Nobel Prize winner or Wimbledon champion, you would rightly put your conversation on pause and thank the server — quietly — who just placed your steak frites in front of you.  It is right and it is good.