Dinner at Eight

I get too hungry for dinner at eight
I like the theater but never come late
I never bother with people I hate
That’s why the lady is a tramp

Rogers and Hart wrote those words for the musical Babes in Arms. Frank Sinatra made them most famous by ad-libbing mightily with an approving smirk, but it is the rude dinner guests who take this notion to heart without any sense of the song’s ironic indictment of New York high society. When the dinner invitation says eight o’clock, the host means eight o’clock. Furthermore, when a dinner is called for eight o’clock, it means that you should wear dinner clothes. Now dinner clothes used to mean full dress, gowns on the women and dinner suits (tuxedos) on the men. This tradition has been relaxed today, mercifully for some, shamefully for SP, but not so relaxed that a guest should show up to a dinner in a private home dressed in casual wear. Honestly, does this really have to be relayed? Dress up people. And be on time. Your hostess has gone to much trouble to give you! a nice dinner peppered with interesting company. All you have to do is dress, show up on time and engage in amusing and stimulating conversation with your table mates. I think people who don’t host dinner parties themselves don’t fully appreciate the forthought that goes into creating and hosting a dinner party. Great parties don’t just happen! They are meticulously planned. From menu to guest selection and seating, good times are orchestrated, not organic. The least the guest can do is fully appreciate his part in this play.

What to bring – It is polite to bring a bottle. Champagne, wine or liquor will do. Yes, your hostess will have already purchased the libations for her dinner, but your gift will be appreciated nonetheless. I don’t recommend flowers as your hostess will be busy preparing and greeting the guests, and flowers need to dealt with. Don’t saddle you hostess with another task when the party is just getting into full swing. Sending flowers after the fact is a gorgeous idea, or a simple note recalling what a splendid time you had.

What to say – Keep conversation light and smart. Politics, even in this historic time in our nation’s history, should be avoided. Discuss current events other than politics. Discuss new books you are reading or have heard about. If you are completely flummoxed as to how to engage in dinner-party small talk, ask questions. Everybody loves to talk about themselves and a good listener is always a welcome friend.

What to drink – This is a sticky one as SP is very fond of the booze. Your host will provide cocktails at the beginning of the evening and then serve wine during dinner. If you are an experienced drinker and can handle your liquor, skip to the next paragraph. If you are a lightweight, or have a problem with the intake, alternate your drinks with club soda. Nobody likes a messy drunk, especially at an intimate dinner party. Don’t torture your table mates. Remember the rule of generosity. Be the dinner guest you would want to sit next to: amusing, and alert.

When to leave – Oh, this is a tough one. You are having a great time. You’ve enjoyed catching up with old friends and met a couple of new interesting people. The hours are deepening and you cannot imagine leaving this delightful company. Resist this urge. Notice when others are leaving and time your exit accordingly. On the other hand, if the gathering is a small one and two couples abruptly leave at ten o’clock just when the hostess has settled in for a relaxed post-dinner drink with you, it would be rude to leave so soon after such a generous offering. Remember, your hostess has worked hard planning and executing this event and at the end would love nothing more to sit and enjoy the fruits of her labor. It is the rude guest who denies the hostess this pleasure by skedaddling abruptly after dinner. You are required to sing for your supper, so get to it.

SP recommends: a dinner-hostess gift of champagne is always appreciated. Dom Perignon (if you have deep pockets), Moet & Chandon White Star, Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin, even the very affordable and always delicious Cristalino are all good choices. For a follow-up thank you, send a short, well-worded note or a small box of flowers.