Cordially Not Invited

Babe Paley

SP recently witnessed an egregious transgression over an invitation – or lack of one, rather — to a dinner party. The party of the first part — let’s call her Mrs. Flaunt – was discussing an event that was to occur that evening in front of the party of the second part who we’ll call Mr. Passingby. Now our Mr. Passingby only naturally assumed he was invited to the dinner party since he is a friend of Mrs. Flaunt’s and she was, again, discussing the event in his presence. As the conversation unfolded, it became very clear to SP – and soon to the gentleman in question –that Mrs. Flaunt had no intention of including Mr. Passingby in that evening’s festivities. It was with disappointment and visibly hurt feelings that Mr. Passingby took his leave. Needless to say, SP was shocked at this unforgivable lapse in manners and common decency, especially from this hostess who prides herself on her social aptitude, in fact, considers herself a latter-day Babe Paley. Well I am here to tell you, Mrs. Flaunt is no Babe Paley. On this recent transgression, her true character was, sadly, revealed.

What is the SP mantra? Good manners are nothing more than generosity lived daily and making people feel comfortable. You should NEVER discuss an event in front of someone you don’t intend to invite. And if the person should overhear or discover that something is in the works, you should include him and apologize that you didn’t contact him earlier, explaining that it must have slipped your mind because of course no dinner would be complete without him. I don’t care if the person in question is Pig Pen and you are having a white linen party (not that you would ever have a white linen party, whatever that is. SP is just trying to make a point). If you spill the beans in front of him, you must now include him in your festivities. Furthermore, to erase any hurt feelings or discomfort, you will go out of your way to make sure that he feels welcome and comfortable. If this person ruins your party because his presence was not a proper fit, you will have learned a valuable lesson: Do not discuss an event in front of someone you don’t want to attend. Because a gentleman — or a lady – never hurts someone’s feelings by flaunting an invitation not proffered. I mean, honestly, some people’s lack of manners never ceases to amaze me.

SocialPrimer recommends: Keeping a tight lip when it comes to social plans. One never knows who is invited to which event, and to flaunt an invitation is not only rude but a vulgar routine to fall into.