A man drinks scotch. He may drink bourbon. He may drink a martini on occasion. He enjoys beer, if it’s hot or there’s a casual mood, like pizza, burgers or a hangover. And wine of course, during dinner or when feeling reflective. But a man returns to scotch as his raison default. There is a reason scotch has a reputation as the businessman’s drink. You want to know the secret? You can drink buckets of scotch and you will not fall down drunk, you will not make a fool of yourself in a public place and you will rarely have a hangover. It’s true. Oh sure, your words will slur as they roll over your lips, but rest assured when you stick to scotch you won’t pick a fight (that’s what bourbon is for), you won’t pass out (vodka) and you won’t get mean or bitter (gin).
A man does not drink cocktails. I hate the word cocktails, by the way, just say “drinks.” A man doesn’t have a little umbrella sticking out of his Mai Tai because a man doesn’t drink Mai Tais, unless he’s dining at Trader Vics, and I think even that fine old establishment has gone the way of the rotary telephone. A man NEVER drinks out of a straw. A man drinks champagne at a wedding, or when his girlfriend/boyfriend or wife pops a cork on a special occasion, but this is just that, a special occasion. A man never, under any circumstance should drink a champagne cocktail, unless he’s a hooker, or, well just leave that one alone. To continue, a man doesn’t drink Jagermeister, or Goldschlager or any ridiculous concoction intended to make you wasted. Aren’t you seeing the point here? A gentleman doesn’t get wasted.
So scotch it is. The purist will insist that you drink scotch, especially a good scotch, neat. That means no ice, just two fingers of scotch in a suitably heavy old-fashioned tumbler. But that may be asking too much of the beginner, so you could drink it on the rocks (with ice) or with a splash of soda (seltzer or San Pellegrino) or water. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. Good scotch, the best scotch, is a single malt. That means it comes from one barrel from one distillery. These can be heavy, after-dinner scotches like Macallan or lighter scotches like Glenlivit or Oban. And these can be expensive. When you hear someone talk about drinking a 20-year old scotch, he means to tell you he has spent a lot of money and he wants you to know it. But scotch doesn’t have to be expensive. After the single malts come the blends. And there are some very good blends. My absolute favorite libation on earth is an old school blend of scotch called The Famous Grouse. And it is no more expensive than a bottle of Absolut, less so. The Grouse is hard to find in bars and restaurants. It is not trendy and usually only the old-timer establishments stock it. But you can find The Grouse at any liquor store and keep your stash at home. If you can’t find Grouse, Chivas Regal is a fine blend as well. A love affair with good scotch is something that can only grow stronger and more passionately every day. And scotch will never break your heart. Or make you make a fool of yourself. If only all love affairs could make that claim.
SocialPrimer recommends: Oban, The Famous Grouse, Chivas Regal. whiskyblog.wordpress.com
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